First Semester

My first semester
in seminary is essentially finished! I have only a couple more assignments to complete within the week, then I am completely done! Wow! The second half of this term has FLOWN by, literally! On the contrary, the first half of the semester seemed to draggggg! It has been a deeply satisfying and wonderful experience that has renewed a passion for the lost, for the "field workers," for mobilizing our church members to be personally involved in Kingdom work, and simply to know God more fully!

My "walk" with Christ certainly needed a complete renovation, yet I  had failed miserably the past few years to carry it out, leaving me discouraged, despondent, and nearly in despair. God pursued me, rescuing me "just in time"! I was SO VERY ready for Him--hungry, thirsty, even desperate! This may have been the BEST place for me to have been--even if I didn't like it much. 

It is only when we recognize our need that we sincerely appreciate Christ, His sacrificial substitutionary work  on the cross, and our relationship with Him! Perhaps I needed this. Evidently so. I wish I could have come to this place some other way...for it has been difficult, discouraging, and painful these past several years. Even more difficult is the fact that while I was going THROUGH it, I had NO idea of any of these things! I simply knew that I felt spiritually BLAH! BLAND! Even broken and oh, so discouraged!

I "knew" (head knowledge) God was "there" for me. I continued to talk to Him, tried to listen to Him. Studied His Word. Worshiped with His church. Etc., etc., etc. It's like I kept doing it all, because I KNEW WHO He was, His character, His nature, His faithfulness--and I lived and acted on that. Yet, I did NOT "FEEL" what I USED to feel in response to this knowledge...something was missing.

Or, something was in the way...sin. Yeah, there were certainly some sins to deal with, admittedly--could not hide that fact. (Although, somehow, we believers tend to want to look everywhere but there!) I know I was willing to look at certain "sins," anger, impatience, breaking the speed limit, watching TV shows I ought not, etc. Others, however, were "too personal." Stuff I should already have "conquered," like bitterness, unforgiveness, pride! Harder ones, like surrendering ALL control of EVERYTHING in my life to God is even harder! Covetousness? Yep! Lacked contentment with how God made me and who He made me to be and is making me to become--the "inside stuff," not simply the loss of looks on the outside (although that's one, too). Having other gods before Jehovah? Not me! Yes, ME! The gods of Comfort, Ease, Independence, Laziness, Complacency, Apathy, Non-Discipline/Free-Wheeling, Judgmentalness...eeuuwwww!!! Sins of passion, position, AND possession! I have been guilty of ALL. No wonder things had not been the same!

Thankfully, God is loving, patient, kind, gracious, compassionate, and a pursuing, unrelenting, persevering Father of eternal covenant-commitment!

I finally "let" Him catch me!